Paying For College And Other Subtleties

School has started again for a lot of people, it is often a fun and stressful time for those individuals. Either starting a new experience for the first time, or just trying to get back into the groove of it all, this time of year is always interesting. Normally, I too am preparing for school by this time, but not this year I have no classes, but it really has gotten me thinking about my education. About what I have learned in college.

From the fall of 2003 until March 12th of 2007, I studied at the University of Michigan, majoring in biochemistry. I spent hours studying, flash cards, posters, papers, you name it, I learned it. I did research and lab work, I pulled all-nighters and I procrastinated. I learned so many things that I will never forget, but just as they are forever in my brain, they are also useless. On March 12th, 2007 I dropped all my classes and left U of M behind me, at least academically. I still love the school and the city, but nowadays I have no reason to go back there. I credit a good portion of my knowledge in science and all things chemistry to my experiences there and for that I truly am grateful.

The rest of 2007 I just sort of took off, relearning some basics, working on easier things just to refresh and keep my mind sharp. By the fall of 2008 however, I found myself back in college, this time studying nursing at Hope college. There I participated in a lot of extra activities along with my studies, but mostly I learned new things. Between cadaver labs, clinicals and endless piles of flashcards, my mind was filled with so much knowledge about health and the human body. Some nights I spent the entire night scouring the internet for just one credible source, just one good article for my assignments. Sifting through years of research in an effort to find one small thing. I stressed and I stressed, the nursing program at Hope was a big deal and I was determined to do well. It was an amazing experience and again, I learned so very much that will stay with me, but again it is all useless.

March 5th, 2011 I dropped all of my classes at Hope college and for the second time, quit when the end was very much in sight. Maybe I fear success, maybe March is just a bad month for me, I don't know. I do know however, that I self-sabotage and when I do that, I let others, my classmates, down.

I am not enrolled in any classes this year, but I am determined not to let anyone down, not to fail. I intend to show what I can do, prove I am not worthless. Maybe I was nothing more than a distraction, or maybe I was the one holding my classmates back, honestly I have no idea. All I am certain of is that I will do everything in power to not let people down again and I will without a doubt prove to those who I have let down, those who have lost faith in me or refuse to speak to me at all. I will prove my worth, prove my breadth of knowledge and my strength of heart.

This year I have no classes, but this year I have a huge test and it will take a long time to finish. I don't know if I am ready, but school has begun for the rest of the world whether they wish it or not, so then I must begin, whether I wish it or not.