Accomplishment comes in an unfathomable amount of forms, some more fulfilling than others, but accomplishments nonetheless. Many small, and a few large, accomplishments have graced my doorstep as of late, but it is not enough. You can achieve little goal after little goal, nickel and dime your way through, but accomplishment does not assure victory and victory is the ultimate goal. I feel as if I am far from victory, in fact, often times I feel as if I have already lost and these small positive deeds are nothing more than consolation prizes. I can't pretend to know for sure and I certainly don't want these little accomplishments to cease, but as with all things good, I have become skeptical. Perhaps it is all leading to something grand that I cannot comprehend, but until that happens I am rather stuck. I know what I am searching for and I know what I want, but I cannot find it nor can I have what I want. I suppose I have to continue on part by part and inch by inch and it will have to be enough. . .but it is not enough.
For a few hours today I very seriously thought I was going to have a stroke. That fear has passed and with it came mixed feelings. In a completely non-depressing way, strictly logically, I have reached a point where, assuming it did not kill or permanently damage me, a stroke could help me. Now don't get me wrong, I do not want in anyway to experience what it is like to have a stroke, but I really do feel as if it would answer a lot of questions. There is so much I don't understand and the clock is ticking away.
This is an incomplete blog, an incomplete thought. . .it is not enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment