Having No Thumbs, Horses Shouldn't Attempt Puzzles

Nearly everyday for the last two weeks, I have seen the sunlight begin to peek through my window long before my eyes close for their much needed rest. The sunrise symbolizes, for most, the beginning of a new day, hopefully filled with wonder, joy and new opportunities. For me, the sunrise has begun to symbolize the end of a day, often times, a day I'd rather not see end.

I honestly don't know if I truly get tired anymore, but my body forces me to rest, makes me sleep. I know I have to, I know sleep is necessary, but waking up, there's the rub.

Now, I know plenty of people have a hard time waking up in the morning, whatever your morning may be. I too have a hard time with it, but probably not in the same way as most. Each time I wake, I feel as if I have to completely put myself back together again. Not unlike Humpty-Dumpty, except I have neither the king's horses, nor men to assist in my endeavors. It is as if the moment I drift to sleep, my essence, my being, my everything, begins to pull apart and slip away, melting from the center, outward across the expanse of my bed.

Each time I wake, I must pull myself back together, prepare for a new day and face it with as much vigor as I can muster. In some ways, we probably all do this and I don't know if it is normal or not. All I do know is that the better I feel before I fall asleep, the less I seem to melt and fall away. Sure, it seems simple and obvious, but it wasn't always that way and that is why I make note of it.

There was a time, in fact, most of my adult life, where it didn't matter my mood before sleep, I almost always awoke feeling the same. It was a steady medium amount of melting each night. Nothing too hard to recover from in morning and after a while I even got rather used to it. The medium level is nearly gone now and it has been replaced by either very little melting, or what I can only describe as violent shattering. It is obviously the violent shattering that often makes me delay sleep as long a possible.

I don't know if these changes mean anything, I have been doing my best not to dwell on such things, but I do know that right now, my mood is good, so I can probably sleep with little fear of the morning.