Wishin' I Didn't Have Intuition

My insides were in knots today, that is not to say that they haven't been for quite some time now, but today was different. Today had that feeling in the pit of your gut where you just knew something was wrong. Not with me, but something, it was the nervous butterfly feelings except that the butterflies were evil and trying to destroy me. It is a very specific feeling for me, when I just know and I have only ever felt this feeling a few times prior to this day. Again, I stress, I am not ill, and this is far more than the stomach in knots of heartache or nervousness, this was a deep knowing that something was wrong. I, of course, had an idea as to what was causing this awful feeling, but now that I am home, I can't bring myself to look into it. After all, if my suspicions were correct then that would only lend more validity to my terrible gut feeling and if there was nothing to be found, then I run the risk of suspecting something worse that I can not possible know. I have no proof, no way of ever knowing what or if this feeling was caused by, all I know is that when it does mean something, it is never good. The last time I felt this feeling so strongly was right before learning of infidelity in a previous relationship, but being that I am single this time around I can only assume it has to do with someone I deeply care for. I may never know the cause, nor can I be certain there was one at all, but I know that at the very least tonight I had a new first in my life. That feeling twisted and ached at my insides so hard tonight that at one point I actually vomited, I had a tremendous physical reaction to a tremendous emotional and instinctual feeling. It was in some ways embarrassing, but looking back on it, it was rather fascinating. After I expelled what little I had inside me I felt better for a moment, but the feeling did return. Now as I write this it has gone back to be the normal twists and knots and anxiety I have been feeling for awhile and that I can deal with. I suppose now I only hope that whatever it was that happened, that is has passed and I won't have to feel that awfulness again.