God, The Universe, Or Whatever You'd Like To Call It

This whole week has been filled with difficult choices, the most pressing of which was a job offer that I ultimately turned down. Had I taken it, I would have been on the road today, being paid to travel across the country and install seating into stadiums and other venues. The job would have paid me triple what I make now, and all my travel would have been free, the experience would have been amazing. I was offered the job on Tuesday, along with a good friend that I currently work with, so we had only a few short days to decide. Long story short, despite all of the positives to the job, it was a huge risk seeing as the job was only guaranteed to last until the end of the summer and leaving on Friday would mean I'd have to straight quit my current job with no hope of returning if all fell through. Both myself and my friend chose to decline, and it was the correct decision, though I wish it was not the case. Oddly enough, on Friday, that day we would have left, my friend received news of a transfer at work that he had been waiting on for over 6 months, a sort of cosmic reward for making the responsible, right decision. I however, gained no such award, in fact, Friday I lost many things.

The most obvious being that my good friend will no longer be working with me because his transfer finally came through, and although I am happy for him, work will be that much more miserable without him. The not so obvious loss I faced was something few would notice, even now if they spoke to me, but Friday I truly lost a piece of myself. The pieces that hold us together throughout human interactions, the kind of glue that can only be formed by great caring, love, and friendship. A piece of my heart, if you will, though the cliche pains me to use. The one who took it, though I hate to part with it, may have it willingly. It will always be her's anyway, so I suppose I can't expect to keep it. It hurts and I feel the void of it, but I suppose that is the point. To have a void in which to fill with my own personal goals and aspirations, not those of someone else.

I can't help but wonder if this is a gift or a curse from the universe, God, or whatever you want to call it. My current self is inclined to believe it to be a curse, though I know better in actuality. It has the potential to go either way, and I do have the next move. I am sad, I am pained, another great piece of me is gone, but I am hopeful. Throughout every storm, my stubbornness prevails, and I am determined to accomplish my new goals, goals I am not yet ready to share with my keyboard, goals that are brewing and growing in the back of my mind. Perhaps someday they will be translated to fingertips so those who wish may read and understand them, but for now, just know that I have direction, I am wounded, but my path is clearing. So I carry on, stubbornly walking upon badly sprained ankles, but in a way, I doubt I'd be satisfied doing it any other way.