Mexico Is For Lovers

I'm not sure what time it is in the Riviera Maya although I know such information is likely just a Google search away, that is not the point.

The point is that regardless of what time it is, it is most definitely Saturday September 12th. That's a special day in that area because it will from now on, forever be the day that two people I care deeply for will have gotten married there.

I am not currently there in Mexico with them, nor was I even invited to celebrate but I am excited for them both nonetheless.

The couple getting married, Nicole and Chris, were once very close friends of mine. I remember talking to Nicole about Chris back before they had ever met in person. I remember talking to Chris through Nicole's webcam in her dorm and U of M. I remember the first time I met him and saw them together. So many memories with those two over the first few years of their relationship and I was honored to get to see it, to be a part of it. Even more so now, knowing that they are finally tying the knot.

All in all it is an incredibly joyous occasion, so what's keeping me up writing about it? The answer to that is simple.

Regret.

Nicole and Chris are two of the very few people I care about that have successfully left my life. Now this is no easy task mind you because if you're important to me, I hold on until my fingers break. Nearly every real friend I've ever made I still have. All but one of my exes is still my friend and many have invited me to their weddings. I'm incredibly hard to get rid of. Yet Nicole and Chris have gotten away.

This is of course my fault, hence the regret. Years ago (a bit over 4 but I don't want to sound overly creepy by recalling the exact date in early June of 2011) angry, mean, hurtful Sam reared his ugly head and poor Nicole was the sole recipient of all his energy. He didn't say much, but he knew just how to hurt with the little words he said. This is something that comes easily when people trust you, that is why breaking that trust and using it against them is such an awful thing.

Chris, like the great boyfriend, soon to be husband that he is, came to Nicole's defense and I have not spoken to him since that day. I tried to apologize, tried to make amends but he is not one to easily forgive, nor do I blame him.

Nicole on the other hand stayed in contact for awhile, never really giving up on me, realizing I was in a bad place. She accepted my apologies and even at one point claimed she had forgiven me.

I've been ever diligent in trying to keep contact but for whatever reason, she hasn't spoken to me in over a year. I have plenty of theories why but this is not the place for such things.

She said she had forgiven me, but I have yet to forgive myself and I suppose that is the most crucial part. I've never let that side come out like that, never gone that far, even when I was young and used to lose my temper.

I wish they were both still in my life. I wish I could share in the joy of today with them. I wish I could've seen their relationship grow to this point. I wish a lot of things for them but most of all I wish them happiness.

In everything they do I hope they have patience to listen to one another. Courage to be honest, even when it might be hurtful. Strength to move forward through all the obstacles life throws at them. Love to endure all else but most importantly I hope they hold on to the people I remember. The silly, jovial folks who never took life too serious. Never afraid to do try something new or do something that frightened them. If they can carry those people into their new union, I have no doubt they will succeed.

I'm working on one final project involving the two of them and after that, I will let go, consider my fingers officially broken. After I finish, if either of them ever reach out to me, I will gladly respond but if me not being in their life anymore is what will make them happiest, then consider my letting go a wedding present.

I love you both, congratulations! Mexico has no idea what they're in for.