Write Drunk; Edit Sober, Minus The Second Part.

It's not just about sitting around having a drink or two. It isn't a matter of friendship or status or even personality. It is simply about companionship. Nobody, at least when they are being honest with themselves and measure down to the base level, wants to be alone. As humans we have an almost evolutionary fear of the dark and one could easily conclude that such is the case because it is in the dark that we are most vulnerable, most unable to protect ourselves. It is certainly true, the darkness does bring with it a certain proclivity toward danger, but the base fear of it may be far more complex than that.

The darkness and I'm talking the real shit here, the kind of absence of light that almost seems solid in nature, that kind of dark, that is where the fear is. Even when you close your eyes you can see colors and shapes floating around your mind, as if they are their to help combat the otherwise cripple fear of being truly alone. Because when the darkness becomes solid, become an entity of itself, even if there were a person right in front of you, touching you, kissing you, holding you. . . You could still feel alone.

That is the real truth of it all, the real reason we are so inclined to spend the darkest hours asleep and unconscious, because we can't handle the darkness, we aren't designed to do so, at least not alone.

So we all carry on, wandering ever closer to our own respective lights at the ends of tunnels. Searching for anything that may help us find meaning, find companionship in the vast and crushing void of darkness. We hold onto loved ones and hobbies. Religions and Gods that offer us purpose and meaning in exchange for worship. Sometimes we even find meaning in those things that are bad for us, vices such as drugs and alcohol. Things that are easy to get lost in, hell, even sex and physical pleasure can be used to such an end.

The truth though, the honest to God no shit truth is that it is all fleeting and no one individual's path to whatever the hell it is that gets them through each day should be judged. In the end, we are all in it together, sharing in the fleeting and often horrendous human experience. We should embrace one another, differences and all, because even if we can't see each other through our own individual walls of darkness, we can at least know someone is out there, struggling the same way. It may not be anywhere close to the same struggle, but they struggle just the same.

We're all scared. We are all fucking scared. If you stop being scared, you stop living. At least you stop living any sort of meaningful existence.

Do you understand? Does anyone?

It doesn't matter if you care, you don't have to care to understand.

Kody

I have a large post about the past year in store very soon. It may be the most I have to write about a year in a long time, but for now I just sit alone and unable to focus.

It is 1 p.m. on the second day of 2012 and I currently feel the way I would normally feel while I sit in this chair alone at 5 a.m. They say that how you spend New Year's Eve is how the rest of your year will go and if that is the case then I do have a pretty good year in store, but right now, it feels the same.

I guess, this is really the first time I've been alone in quite awhile and maybe it is all just catching up to me, but all I know for sure is I hate feeling this way during the daylight hours even more than the night. The day usually holds it all at bay, but I think my mind is just too tired to care right now.

I find it really funny because I have been getting consistent good sleep for the first time in nearly a year and I don't feel exhausted, but my mind still seems to be turned up to 11. Everything was slower for awhile and maybe I just got used to that and so now feels so foreign. Who knows. . .

I really just feel like I need to write. I need to release ideas from my head but I just can't concentrate! Everything flies around my brain like a tornado and I can't grasp an idea for more than a few moments. Gah!

Anyway, happy new year blog! You've done well since your creation and I hope you don't get forgotten about in 2012.