Broke Broken and Baroque

Let me start by saying that at the tender age of 25, I feel I am officially fed up with adulthood. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a kid again by any measure, I am just already very tired of the bane of adulthood. . .financial issues. It isn't a huge deal overall, but it is a type of stress that seems to impact all other facets of life. There is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, I just am exhausted from chasing it.

As for other facets of life, things are decent, though I dare not say they are good. I have a 5k to run in a few days and I have been training for it for months now, the training was mostly born from other things, but now has almost become a necessary part of my day. I am however, very sore and I fear it has all finally caught up with me, a mere few days before the event in which I was doing all of this for. There are many others ways in which I feel broken, but those things are for another night, or perhaps not for anyone at all.

I have been thinking heavily about past events that have nearly taken me off this mortal coil, thinking of how lucky I have been and how that has skewed my view of life at times. Feeling as if I must be alive for a reason, feeling as if there must be some greater purpose for my individual existence has often ravaged my mind. Now, my younger brother has also had one such experience, an accident that should have broken him, or killed him, but merely left him badly bruised and in need of a few good days of rest. I hope that he does not dwell on his existence like I have and I also hope that I have not passed my luck onto him. If indeed in some cosmic way some of my nine lives were given to him, I don't believe I have any left and in the back of my mind I now fear that my next accident, whatever it may be, will be my last. I am not entirely sure if this last little bit falls anywhere close to baroque so just in case. (EXAGGERATED MOTIONS!)

Bravery Is Being The Only One Who Knows You're Afraid

A good chunk of my life I have been the guy who just goes for it, if it seems fun, I'll try it. Often times there is danger in such activities, but I am far from reckless. I will take risks and do things other may find terrifying or stupid, but in the end it is worth the experience. I have also never been afraid to stand up, or be the first to react or respond to a difficult scenario. Overall I feel like these are good qualities and I believe being courageous, even in silly things, goes a long way with the people around you. I have been told on several occasions, by people I've known for nearly my entire life and people I've only known for a short while, that they have found themselves in situations that scare them, or they are not sure what to do and they think about how or what I would do. That in and of itself is incredibly flattering and I couldn't be happy about having such an impact on people. Especially, when it comes to those things you may never get to do again, like if you are given the opportunity to repel down a cliff, or jump off a waterfall. Even something like pouring your heart out to someone that really matters to you, regardless of the outcome. The kind of things that scare you, but are absolutely worth the risk. Those are the things Sam would do in a heartbeat. That and help someone in need, but for now I only speak of activities. I have done a lot of things that have terrified me over the last 5 months, and though I do let others see how much I am afraid, inside I am just as scared as anyone else. I know that a lot of people are going through crazy, or awesome, or awful, or just plain trying, periods in their lives right now. Some people have been lucky enough to be given the opportunity to do things most of us only dream about. Others are stuck in the grind trying desperately to stay afloat or find something better. Whichever path you are on, my message remains the same. When you find yourself faced with something that makes your heart race and you have doubts as to whether you can do whatever it is that lay in front of you, think about that little piece of Sam. Maybe you don't carry a piece of me, but now after reading this you will, but I believe many already have that little Sam voice that says C'mon you can do it! Don't be afraid! I'd be right here doing this with you if I could! So, if you ever encounter a situation where the Sam voice speaks up, please, for both of our sakes, listen to him. Don't miss out on anything. Whether you are thinking of huge life decisions, or simply trying outdoor pursuits, don't be afraid, give it your all and I'll be right behind you, at least in spirit.

Pace Is The Trick

Don’t run, don’t look back, just walk away. Slowly, focused, not on what was lost or what wake of the past slowly dissipates behind you. Yes, it treated you well and you’d be a fool to forget it, but the cavernous depths of time long gone are no place for you to reside. Life awaits you, perhaps in the rolling hills, or upon the toiling seas. Fear not the twinges of doubt, embrace them and carry on. Soak up feelings, even the ones you dislike, they make the end result much more fulfilling. Don’t run, this is most important, time is the enemy and speed is its’ ally. Never let it decide your pace, slow down, breathe. In your journey you may find that such simplistic, involuntary actions, get taken for granted. Air is your friend. Remind yourself of this often, consciously breath deeply. Capture it briefly, not too long, as it is your friend and should be treated as such by not being made prisoner within your lungs. Release. Relax. Refresh. Open up your heart, pull all you can in, it is the only place time cannot touch. Love and live with all that you are, go forth and blaze your trail of burning passion, even when the trail seems thick and muddy. The sheer miracle and beauty of life and all that surrounds you ought to spark enough desire to keep trudging through. The path may be steep, your legs may ache, your mind may feel like giving up and though the view at the top will be breathtaking. Don’t run.