Titles, The Hardest Part Of Writing

I did well today, mostly happy all day long. The Sun certainly helped and while I do believe that seasonal affective disorder is a real thing, I refuse to believe that it is something beyond my scope of control. Stubbornness, conviction and the fact that I truly feel that nothing is actually wrong with me, all contribute to my refusal to seek out professional help or medication for my ever-present bouts of sadness. So many things in life, we have absolutely no control over, so to relinquish control of my own thoughts to a chemical imbalance, or some deficiency, would call into question the entirety of how I identify myself. I often feel a need, a craving if you will, for the solemn. It helps me be creative, it slows everything down. The sadness makes me a better person in a way, but I also despise it. It is a hatred brought on mostly by my inability to control when the real sadness takes hold, like a superhero still unable to control their powers. If I could harness it, without changing it, I feel I could do so much more.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said. "Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." That is indeed the worst side effect of not having control of the sorrow, I am often considered cold. I tell myself this isn't true, I believe wholly that I have not become cold, merely sad. Sometimes however, in the grips of it all, I wonder how long it will be before I become cold.

This has become far too depressing and I am far too tired to continue my thoughts. This surely is not the complete solution, but with each word I write I feel as if I can hold back the coldness longer. I apologize to anyone reading that I have brought it to this point on only my second post, it will go up from here.

Means To An End

Hey look! An outlet for my thoughts! I'm still unsure as to if I feel like writing a blog that everyone can read will really be helpful or not, but I do like the idea that the thoughts in my head can be spread amongst the internet. Ultimately, typing these things out and just saving them away as documents on my hard drive is no better than keeping them in my head. From one prison to another, so this blog, for better or worse, is my form of giving the inmates the keys, a full pardon for all those accused. This is entire journey through blogging (a term I am not at all fond of) is taken for my own personal benefit, that being said, I do hope some people return to read this from time to time. I will update frequently, perhaps add a short story here and there, and while I can't always ensure what you read will make sense, it will, at least I hope, be interesting. The prisoners are now free, with any luck I won't be far behind.